"stalkers can't be lazy."

d-list celebs come in threes, homosexuality, digression

This afternoon as I was finishing my coffee and walking toward the Whole Foods in Union Square to purchase as many groceries as would fit in my backpack, I nearly walked right into comedic genius Demetri Martin. For those of you who might not know, I really, really love Demetri Martin (for several pages of reasons, please see Esopus #6).

This is the third in a short series of small-time celebrities I've seen in the last two weeks. First was Hal Sparks (of Queer as Folk, thanks to Kristiana for actually knowing his name) at Kate's, then Jai from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on the downtown C train to West 4th. (He only went one stop - wtf? But I digress.)

A pattern, perhaps? I sure hope Demetri isn't into guys (or at least not to the exclusion of females), but I also hope he isn't dating the unfortunately unattractive horse-faced woman he was walking with. You deserve better, Demetri.

Then again, I have to admit that he was not looking so hot: awkward jeans, strange tiny red backpack, puffy chipmunk cheeks, unfortunate haircut. Maybe Jai could've helped him out. Actually, maybe one of the guys from that show who does more than teaches the importance of eye contact. I digress again.

In conclusion: please get it together, Demetri Martin.